Most of the country is thinking about long weekends, cookouts, and the unofficial start of summer. And that’s fine and dandy! There’s nothing wrong with that.
But for a lot of people, Memorial Day lands differently.
For veterans, military families, and anyone who has lost someone in service, this weekend isn’t just a holiday. It can be a collision of grief, memory, and the strange discomfort of watching everyone around you celebrate while something inside you feels anything but celebratory.
That disconnect is real. And it can have multiple names.
Survivor’s guilt is one of the most common experiences among veterans. The feeling that you made it home when others didn’t. That you don’t deserve to enjoy a day that exists to honor people who are gone. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a wound that doesn’t always show.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar either. A date can bring it all rushing back. The faces, the loss, the weight of what’s missing. That’s not weakness. That’s what grief does.
There’s also the chances that our veterans have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). This is a mental health condition that can develop after someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event (ex: combat, abuse, an accident, a near death experience). Not everyone who goes through trauma develops PTSD, but for those who do, the nervous system gets stuck in a kind of high-alert state, replaying the experience through flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts long after the event has passed.
If you’re a family member watching someone you love go quiet this weekend, the most important thing you can do is not let it go unspoken. Ask. Be present with them. Let them know the door is open.
And if you’re the one who goes somewhere else inside during this weekend, who feels the weight of something the rest of the room doesn’t seem to feel: you’re not the only one. What you’re carrying is real.
We work with veterans, military families, and individuals navigating grief and trauma. If this weekend brings something up, we’re here.
Sources:
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. PTSD: National Center for PTSD. https://www.ptsd.va.gov
- American Psychological Association. Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. https://www.apa.org/topics/grief